You Know You're A Baby Boomer

by Amy Gold

Never trust anyone over 30 40 50 60 70 80

Family watching TV 1958
Family watching TV, 1958

Being a baby boomer means a lot more than just being born between 1946 and 1964. It is a state of mind and a set of shared cultural experiences of what it was like for most of us growing up in the 1950s, 1960s, and 1970s - the sights, the sounds, the smells, the food, the music, AM radio, those infernal pay toilets, the Vietnam War, "the draft," Watergate, and those TV commercials!

The list below is a small and humorous sampling of the many "good, bad, and ugly" facets of baby boomer-dom, both past and present. So, are you a baby boomer? You might just be if any of the following apply:

  1. You were born between 1946 and 1964.

  2. You can't remember most of the late 1960s because you were either too young or too stoned.

  3. Captain Kirk and Spock immediately come to mind whenever Star Trek is mentioned.

  4. You think that today's car models "all look the same."

  5. You still can't get out of the habit of calling music CDs "records" no matter how many you have in your collection.

  6. You still use "that greasy kid stuff" in your hair even though you have only two strands left.

  7. You still dream of getting on the Ed Sullivan Show.

  8. You still haven't gotten used to self-serve "filling stations."

  9. You long for the taste of the old Dr. Pepper® which you somehow remember as being "fruitier."

  10. You fondly remember those holiday family get-togethers complete with green bean casserole, desserts galore, and enough turkey, gravy, mashed potatoes and dressing to feed Rhode Island.

  11. You're still recoiling from the shock and horror of biting into one of Aunt Gertrude's putrid Jell-O® fruit salad molds that had (ewww!) Miracle Whip® when you were expecting whipping cream.

  12. You still run for cover whenever you see a bar of Ivory Soap® because you're afraid someone will make you "wash your mouth out with soap" the next time you mouth off.

  13. You have kept your own running list of Excedrin® headaches since 1967 which now number 3,456,702.

  14. You're glad you used Dial® and wish everybody did.

  15. You remember when everyone used to smoke freely in restaurants and on airplanes "without batting an eye" (except, of course, to keep the smoke out).

  16. You remember the shame of having to piss in the sink whenever you found yourself in one of those public bathrooms with pay toilets without a dime and nowhere else to go.

  17. You typed all your term papers on a Smith-Corona®.

  18. You still keep that old typewriter (and slide rule) around as a "backup" in case your computer croaks.

  19. You think a cookie is something good to eat.

  20. You think a mouse is something good for your cat to eat.

  21. You had more aches and pains this past month alone than you have had in your entire life.

  22. You are now starting to think that Geritol® might not be just for old geezers anymore and are thinking about getting some for yourself.

  23. You have always wanted to be "hip" ever since you were a teenager and have finally gotten your wish now that you can no longer squeeze into those old bell bottoms lying at the back of your closet.

  24. Your kids are starting to look older than you used to think you ever would.

  25. You're glad you have grandchildren because it's so nice to have someone around who will listen whenever you say "never trust anyone over 30."